I started drinking and doing drugs when I was 12 years old.
Hi! My name is Paul, and I'm an alcoholic.
My sobriety date is April 1st, 2004.
I started drinking and doing drugs when I was 12 years old, and quickly became a daily user, whether it was alcohol, weed, cocaine, LSD, or speed - anything to make me feel “different”. I grew up in an alcoholic household, and I learned to abuse drugs and alcohol from my older siblings. The addiction gene runs strong in my family.
When I was 13 years old, I was accidentally shot in the chest by a friend—two dumbass kids playing with a supposedly “it’s never loaded” gun—and of course, we were high when this happened. I came as close to dying as you can get without actually crossing over to the other side. And the bullet tore through my liver and right lung. I was in the hospital for nearly 6 months.
As you’re well aware, alcohol and drugs do terrible things to your liver, but even with only a portion of mine remaining, I continued in my addiction for another 30 years.
I did not begin my sober journey willingly, but rather with a “nudge from the judge” after being arrested for meth possession in 1990. I would spend the next 14 years in and out of A.A. and various out-patient recovery centers.
I knew I was an alcoholic from an early age, but I was not ready to admit that I was powerless over my addictions. I would go to A.A. meetings for a few months, and my life would start to get better, and then I would relapse and begin drinking again. But I never actually embraced the program of A.A.—I did not read the book, get a sponsor, or work the steps, and as a result, I continued to get drunk. It was an endless cycle of drinking, stopping, and starting again.
I agree with the notion that addiction is a progressive disease, and for me, that means that even when I don't drink, my alcoholism grows stronger every day. Each time that I went back out, it would get worse, and I would get sicker.
Somewhere along the line, I contracted Hepatitis-C, and this, combined with my previous liver injury from the gun-shot wound, meant that my liver nearly shut down. But my body was completely dependent on alcohol—I could not eat, sleep, work, or survive without drinking.
After a particularly bad binge of drinking in the spring of 2004, I came out of a blackout early in the morning with a phone in my hand, and the yellow pages opened up to alcohol recovery centers. I dialed the number of a place that I had been to several times before, and I agreed to enter in-patient treatment the next day.
I don’t know exactly when my last drink was, but I remember stepping out of the critical care unit where I underwent medically supervised detox, and realized it was April Fool’s Day. I decided that this would be my sobriety date, and I have not had a drink or used drugs since that day in 2004.
When I left the treatment center, I went back to A.A., asked another alcoholic to be my sponsor, read the book, and worked the steps. The words “Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path” ring true in my life today. I know that there are many different paths to recovery, but the program of Alcoholics Anonymous is what worked for me—once I decided to work the program!
I firmly believe that it was my Higher Power that stepped into my life and had me pick up the phone to call the recovery center during the last miserable days of my drinking. And through my continued work in A.A. and my reliance on that Higher Power, I live a truly blessed life today.
I encourage newcomers to not be as stubborn as I was when I first walked into the rooms of A.A. Please, accept the help that is freely given by the sober alcoholics that you meet. Go to lots of meetings and don't drink in-between the meetings. Get phone numbers, and try to make contact with another alcoholic every day. And most importantly, find a sponsor to take you through the 12 steps.
Every day that we wake up sober is a miracle. We don't need to focus on long-term sobriety - we only have to stay sober one day at a time!
Peace and Love to you, my friends.