I was in my addiction for 43 years.

Instagram: @kajsareynolds

Facebook Group: “Ladies Only” Sober Hope Group and Sober Hope-Houston,TX

My name is Kajsa B.

Drug of Choice:

Alcohol, cocaine, crack, mushrooms, acid, Ecstasy (MDMA), hydrocodone, soma, Xanax, speed.

Sobriety date:

12/9/19

I live in Spring, TX. Moved here in 1982 from Manhattan, KS. Where I grew up. Also lived in St. Thomas, Virgin Islands, Santo Domingo, Dominican Republic, and Tegucigalpa, Honduras.

I import and export parts for ships-logistics. Started in 2003 to present.

My passions are helping the next suffering alcoholic/addict, and enjoying my sober life.

My experience as an addict was to have as much prolonged derangement of my senses as possible. Constantly look for the next high. It didn’t matter who I hurt in the process, least of all me.

I started drinking at 14 years old, and the drugs were very soon to follow. I was in my addiction for 43 years.

The first time I took a drink, I did it alcoholically. I took the bottle of nasty bourbon and took 10 big chugs. I proceed to get sick and throw up, only remembering bits and pieces of the evening.

The next day I continued to throw up and had a hangover. And I couldn’t wait to drink again.

During jr. high and high school, I drank on the weekends, and my goal was to get drunk. And did a lot of drugs, as well. It was never about one drink for me.

After high school, I attended cosmetology school in Manhattan, KS. It was a small town with a huge party scene. Kansas State University is located there.

I started drinking during the weeknights finding myself hungover at school, it was just my normal lifestyle.

Soon after I moved to Houston, TX in 1982, I wanted to live in the big city.

I worked various jobs, then I decided that it would be better for me to work in a bar. I was a great partier, and serving alcohol was my way of not failing at anything and an excellent way to support my habit.

For about 10 years I slept all day and worked at night. When I got off work there were after-parties all over Houston. I didn’t miss a beat.

I did manage to get a degree in Science that took about 8 years to complete.

I knew I had to get a “day job” as I was getting older and had a shitty disposition to match.

I hated everyone and everything, including myself. Why did so many people treat me like I was a piece of shit? (Real or imagined)

I started working at my present job, and I still bartended two or three nights a week.

By the time 2017 came, I was drinking every day, all day.

I made sure I always had enough alcohol by the side if my bed at night so when I woke up I could calm my anxiety and go back to sleep. When I woke up, rinse and repeat.

I would leave the house 10 minutes before 7:00 am to get to the store in time to purchase my daily intake. If it was Saturday, I needed at least a two-day supply.

At that time there was a man in my life, and I allowed him to abuse me mentally. I thought that was the only kind of person who would want me.

After about a year I was tired of him and told him I didn’t want to continue the relationship anymore. He stalked me for over a year. I had to change my phone number and block him from all social media, and HE KEPT showing up. ☹

I drank at him, and everything else to numb this pain I had. The hole in my soul. But, I didn’t know it at the time, I only knew my love for alcohol. The one thing that never let me down. It was always there for me, no matter what.

Then the time came when I had to go to my GP to get my bloodwork done…..I remember getting an email from her saying that she was referring me to a liver specialist. I knew this wasn’t going to be good. I had looked at the calendar throughout the 3 or so years thinking to myself, I have been drinking      

Every day for six months. Then a year, then a year and a half, and so on.

I have a very good friend that I have known for 41 years. She and I partied together, we were quite wild.  We will call her G.

Then one day she went into treatment to get help. Over some time I watched my friend change from being bitter and hateful to this beautiful, kind, loving soul.

I would have lengthy conversations with her about how she was doing her sober thing. She cheerfully said I attend Alcoholics Anonymous. I immediately thought, wow, that changed you. I asked her what was it all about.

She explained it to me. I did not understand it, except I saw that she had changed. Maybe there was something to this AA stuff.

My first doctor visit to the liver specialist was alarming. He told me if I didn’t stop drinking, I was going to die. He held my hands tightly and looked me in my eyes. I remember thinking, am I really this fucked up? A liver specialist? I’m going to die?

Even though this was happening, I kept thinking about my next drink. It had been 45 minutes since my last drink and I was starting to shake.  I just wanted him to stop taking it so I could get another drink. I had no intention of quitting.

After a week I was so sick I couldn’t get out of bed to go to work. I could, however, make a quick morning run to the store for a can of soup, vodka, and wine.

After missing a week’s work, a coworker came over to see me. She took one look at me and told me we were going to the emergency room. I said ok, and grabbed all the liquor I had on my nightstand. I just wasn’t going to leave anything behind.

Didn’t even think about clothes or a clean pair of underwear.

I was immediately admitted to the hospital, but I argued with the medical staff that I was NOT jaundiced. I shut up when I saw my urine sample was dark brown, and let them take me in the ambulance to the hospital two blocks away.

I made sure my coworker followed me in my truck with my booze. I wasn’t going to be without my booze.

I was immediately hooked up to an IV as I was extremely dehydrated.  I had my booze so I was going to be okay. I kept drinking. After a day there I decided to take a shower. I took off my hospital gown in front of what seemed like the biggest mirror in the free world, and I had big, deep purple-colored bruises on my stomach, legs, and arms. I kept drinking.

On the fourth day, I ran out of alcohol and wasn’t able to get any more. I remember my soles and palms of my feet peeling. I did have trouble sleeping, but didn’t experience any jitters, or shakes of anxiety. That was the week of Thanksgiving 2019.

My friend G came and gave me a ride to my truck. I immediately drove to the first corner store purchased several 4 packs of the little bottles of wine, and began drinking them before I started my truck to drive home.

I went back to work that week and on Wednesday had another visit with my liver specialist. G went with me, and I am grateful she did.

When the doctor looked at me, he had no expression on his face. He proceeded to tell me I was going to die a slow and painful death. That is when I started coming up with some very lame excuses why I couldn't seek any kind of treatment. Fear completely consumed me. What would I do without my love of alcohol?  They proceeded to shoot down every worthless excuse I spat out. I was so worried about leaving my job and having to admit to them I had a problem. G had the doctor sign a 30 excuse, and the three of us talked about rehab and AA. The deal was that I would go to rehab and when I got out I would attend AA.

G had something I knew I needed, and that was AA.  I knew my life had become unmanageable long before this.

Over the next couple of days, I worked up the courage to tell my boss I was seeking treatment. But, I was still drinking.

I remember sitting in my chair as I saw my boss starting up the stairs, I had such fear for telling her. And something pushed me and I stood up, and told her I was going to rehab.  I expected her to say something like oh, no!  She said, “Good”. I was shocked.

I left that Friday hit the closest corner store, and stalked up on plenty of booze to last me for the weekend.

Saturday I spoke to a sobriety coach for about two hours, and she gave me some names and numbers of treatment centers to call.  And so I did. A few places had me leave voicemails, so I kept on calling other places.

I finally got the number to The Right Step in Houston. The phone rang, and a lady named Christine answered, she asked questions and I could hear her typing. Within about 30 seconds she said my treatment stay would be paid by my insurance company 100%. Hallelujah!!!! I was negative $200.00 in my account. I was elated and relieved.  I packed my bags and worked on finishing my alcohol stash. 

At 8:00 pm on December, 8th 2019, I looked and the clock, and  I took my last drink as I sat on the side of my bed. I looked at the bottle and said this is it, I’m done. I cannot and will not live my life this way anymore. This is a GOOD BYE!

I woke up, showered, got dressed grabbed my bag, and looked out my window at my pool. It was a green, swamp thing and his family had taken up residence there. For a split second, I thought I should stay to clean it. Then came that push again. It said to leave that pool, you’ve done a fine job not taking care of it. LOL.

I grabbed my suitcase and headed out the door.  As I was getting in my truck my mom came to the door and said she didn’t think I had a problem…….. 😲 I told her I did, I am dying, and I have to go. Get out of my way. I got myself into this situation and I was getting myself out of it.

I drove to rehab with a vengeance. The song “Rearview Mirror” by Pearl Jam came on.  That was my good bye song to drugs and alcohol.

I decided to do whatever it took to get through rehab. I kept my mouth shut and did all my assignments. A couple of days before I was to graduate, my counselor gave me some AA groups near me that I needed to attend. I gladly looked at the list and chose what is and has been my home group from the day I got out of treatment.

I went to the 6:00 and hoped no one would notice me. Wrong….people started to welcome me and they kept saying keep coming back….So I did. I got the most beautiful soul for a sponsor and we worked the steps quickly. I was also attending IOP for the next eight weeks after leaving treatment.

Through the steps of Alcoholics  Anonymous, being honest, thorough, and fearless the obsession was lifted. I have a higher power of my own understanding. My God of unconditional love and forgiveness. Whose sense of humor is a cross between Robin Williams and Betty White. Oh, my, they have jokes. LOL 😊

I stay in the middle of the boat by chairing meetings, holding a trusted servant position, and sponsoring other women. I even sponsored a gentleman who lives in Germany.

I am a part of several Facebook pages; Sober Hope-Houston, Ladies Sober-Hope, and The Sober Revolution. I am also part of the sober community on Instagram.

I am so grateful for God waking me up every day, and getting to see God’s amazing artwork; his sunrise. Due to AA I now have an amazing life worth living. I now have a family I never thought existed, and I finally understand the word “happiness”. 

Sober, clean, and completely serene.

My last blood test before going to treatment, my Gamma-Glutamyl Transferase (GGT) numbers were 3,623 IU/L

Women who are heavy drinkers land in the range of 561-607 IU/L

I am proud to say that now my numbers are 11 IU/L. The range is from 0 to 30 IU/L.

My advice; is don’t quit before the miracle happens.  And keep coming back.

Please reach out if you are struggling with drugs or alcohol.